She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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