i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize