last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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