i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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