So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need a beard to bite.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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