The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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