This house was built for laser tag.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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