today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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