In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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