Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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