Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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