I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize