It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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