With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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