I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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