he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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