You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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