Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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