I am puke
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
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The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
there is glitter all over my balls
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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