apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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