we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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