The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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