ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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