I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
false alarm, still single
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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