If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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