The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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