Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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