I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize