I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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