he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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