i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you will always have a special place in my vag
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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