How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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