p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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