on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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