I will die if light touches me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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