I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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