Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You need a sexual gate keeper
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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