I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize