That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize