Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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