I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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