is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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