doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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