he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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