This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize