Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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