Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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