we made out on top of his cat.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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