Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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