If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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